2020: No more words. Time to separate.
January, 2020:
Another year of Trump which means, more prayer and memorizing Bible scriptures for me. Going to work was the usual. I clean, organize, talk to my co-workers, get some advice/critique, help people out, follow a schedule, say my goodbyes, wait for my ride and study for college or do some extra work while I wait for my Uber. Rinse and repeat. It is kind of straightforward, but that is how things were. Especially when I learned that I will be teaching a group of students about art and basics of acting. Lots on my plate.
After work, I do some research for my future/current college assignments, watch some documentaries, make some vlogs about certain daily topics and write a journal about the pros/cons of my workday so that I can share it with my doctors. Did I mention that it was always cold during this month? Anything that I could do, to take my mind off the corrupted AAA entertainment industry that brings me mental anguish/misery and COVID-19 warnings. I knew right there and then, that this year was going to suck badly.
Constantly fighting my urges to not check up on anything dealing with the AAA game/movie/anime industry, always ends up in success or failure. If I succeed, I am at peace/finish a book that I have always wanted to read. However, If I gave in to my urges/fail, I am miserable, ranting and constantly frustrated at everything that is wrong with set industry/how the customers are being treated. Why do I care so much? Writing letters to my God family and checking up on those that I just met/friends/acquaintances, seems to always bring a giant smile to my face. Though I could never figure out why. I just couldn't wait to finally finish up my courses, so I can get my Addiction Studies certificate. Still, with my dog always barking/growling at almost everything outside, my Mother working long hours and the fact that my apathy for holidays/my birthday continues to grow, that feeling of how the rest of 2020 is going to turn out, continues to leave me in more dread/relying on God ever so more dearly.
February, 2020:
More news on COVID-19 and Trump continues to spout nonsense, while his followers worship his every move/word. It baffles me. Just like last month, everything is pretty much the same except, I learn something new, look over my journal entries and continue to fight my urges to not rant/get frustrated with politics and the game industry. And what a fight it is. My continued research seems to be helping me to make parallel comparisons to women/girls, and how their different mental disorders, leads to similar ways of thinking that can either be destructive or constructive. With a few fall outs with my Mother and my dog here and there/ hearing more bad news about deaths, COVID-19 and the list goes on, my apathy grows but my prayers never stopped. What about money you ask? I don't want to talk about it at the moment.
March, 2020:
Corona Chan is born and it is killing people very slowly. Back to researching and making sure that I am well prepared for this virus. While some co-workers of mine and millions of others are shrugging it off, I just continue my ever changing yet straightforward routine of work, college and learning something new. I have a bad feeling about this. More bad news and Trump is still spouting nonsense. What is truly going on with me mentally?
April, 2020:
Corona Chan is getting bigger and people don't seem to care. The death rates are rising and the virus has spread worldwide. So many memes being introduced/so much to learn about this virus. My stress levels were through the roof and worst of all, my health insurance is no longer valid with my current psychologist/speech pathologist. Thanks Trump Administration. I knew you had my back. -_-
May, 2020:
No. It can't be. It's getting worse. Schools, movie theaters, wrestling events and etc. All being shut down. Quarantine/endless cleaning. Squeak, squeak, squeak as I am scrubbing the floors and tables with bleach and soap. Taking endless showers and washing my hands like a mad man after every workday, just continues to prove my points, that when God gives you a sign, thou should follow it or suffer infinite consequences.
June, 2020:
Unemployed again. The virus continues to kill and ruin the lives of so many people of different social/financial classes. The stock market is at an all time low and I am feeling a sign of depression like never before. Endless bad news. So much of it and the deaths just won't stop. My anxiety is through the roof and I need to see a psychologist fast. It hurts me to see that so many people will still perform evil acts during a pandemic.
July, 2020:
Why? Why did I ended up buying certain games and etc.? I told myself no many times, but I did it anyway because, "It was on sale." Paying artist after artist and trying to help those in need. What was I thinking? Yes the Lord blessed me ten fold, but my frustration and constant extra money drought, was becoming quite annoying. Game, movie, anime or any other news, was easily overshadowed by the deaths of officers, George Floyd and etc. during these BLM/ALM riots. What a mess and then some. Other stuff happened, but I can't even remember the names of the people who caused me so much turmoil.
August, 2020:
The riots continue and I finally got a hold of a psychologist/nurse. They were very helpful. The multiple relapses between my constant urges with the entertainment industry versus politics, dealing with my dog who keeps waking me up early in the morning, my Mother who is working long hours and needs my assistance nonstop and our president is doing nothing to help this burning nation. Did I mention that there was more bad news along the way? God bless us all and forgive me Father for just...everything. Especially letting my rock head brother move back in with us, where he does NOTHING/doesn't take the COVID-19 virus seriously at all.
September, 2020:
For the first time ever, I was able to spend a ton of extra saved cash for my birthday. It was quite possibly, the best birthday I have ever had. Unfortunately, COVID-19/Corona Chan had to ruin my fun along with many others who had a birthday this month, by draining us with bad news, more deaths, endless stress, a plethora of riots and nonstop headaches. The more I talked to my psychologist, the better she understood me. My nurse was still learning about me/provided me with medications that helped me out a lot. HOWEVER, the side effects were serious and I could no longer be on the medications anymore. Due to HIPPA, I refuse to state what the medications are/be brought back to that dark moment in my life, where the medications put me through literal hell. I have also been working out and changing my diet as well/reading tons of books, watching math/science videos and even getting rid of things that I no longer need. As far as getting any more information from actual doctors/nurses regarding my future college research assignment, It was hassle and a half, but I was able to get some responses from some people.
October, 2020:
I am losing it dear God. I cancelled my services with many digital subscriptions, fought back with online retailers to give me my refunds, bought a bunch of old games to calm my nerves, read more books to find some answers on certain topics, read tons of letters from my God family members and friends, dealt with more stupidity from the Trump administration and the president himself and the list goes on. 1,410,000+ deaths due to Corona Chan/COVID-19. My apathy has grown to astronomical levels, as I see that people don't even care anymore about being super clean, disinfecting their areas and etc. How sad. What is the point of celebrating Halloween, when all the holiday reminds of is the amount of deaths that was created by COVID-19? It always feels like I never have enough money for myself, because I am buying things to help out my family/etc. Oh and there was something about never being able to talk to my older brothers/nephews again, but I made an entire new blog just dedicated to that nonsense. My doctors/nurses are so helpful! ^^
November, 2020:
Guess who won the election? Who cares! COVID-19 is still running amuck, my health insurances is still awful, I am regretting so many things that I have said/done this year, my extra money is running low, customer service is back down in the dumps, finals for college are coming up, I am still unemployed and the death rates keep rising. How can we celebrate or weep at a time like this? We need to get our focus back and take action. This isn't the time for video games, movies, getting back at those who have hurt one another and etc. Now, we need to have a plan B/C and boycott these companies that supported Trump for the past four years. We are showing no mercy and striking back harder than ever! This month went by quick, I got my temps and my usual schedule of working out, learning, exercising, researching and fighting my inner demons through the word of God, continues. I know it feels like I am leaving out a lot of details, but I just don't want to be brought back to the bad memories of getting talked down to by mean civilians/feeling like I wasted my time helping too many people who never even bothered to help me back. But like always, God always blesses me/rewards me, but my patience is running thin and I may need to repent a few more times. Thank GOD for the digital library.
What is even crazier is that I went back to an old hobby of mine. Collecting SKYLANDERS? Now I know I have lost my mind. Over $200+ went towards this hobby that I buried 7 years ago. Plus I am making petitions and giving these companies more ideas for something that may never even come to fruition? God help me. Election week was horrible and I don't ever want to think about the madness/destruction that I saw during the aftermath. This year is so bad, that I literally stop making TikTok videos, tweeting on my Twitter account, sending emails to certain people, interacting on Discord and etc. Social media was definitely one of my enemies in 2020, because it caused me a lot of stress, depression and confusion. (Why are so many people foolish/don't understand that what they support, can effect others?)
December, 2020:
My mind is made up and I am fed up. I am boycotting so many companies for the rest of 2021! This year has just been a complete and utter mind wank! Dwindling finances, my game room additions were put on hold, COVID-19, the irreplaceable damage of Trump/his administration/his supporters, loans, high bills, constant annoying trips to the grocery store, lockdowns, playing mediocre/bad new games, suffering through the Sonic 2020 movie that was painfully average and the list just goes on. Sure I passed my finals, learned so much from an academic and logical standpoint pertaining to topics of old/new, got to meet new people online/interview some doctors for fun and etc., but no matter what good came out of this year, it was just an endless wave of bad news, death and traitors that I have encountered. Mileena is in MK11 Ultimate, Crash Bandicoot 4 is not a complete disappointment, charities were supported during BLM/COVID-19 and Steve is in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate? WHO CARES? I am trying to survive and have a roof over my head!! What/who can I trust other than God? (To those that care about me, don't take that sentence the wrong way. I went through a lot this year.) All these things and the many lessons that I learned about myself on many psychological/physical levels in my life of reinvention, and for WHAT? To see almost 2,000,000+ people die of this cursed virus?? Will the nightmare ever end or will 2021 be even worse? Time to get praying, fasting, repenting and etc., because next year is going to be a huge challenge for me. I am going to let go of so many old hobbies/habits, just so I can make it through until this COVID-19/my current living situation, has finally been remedied to some compacity. 2020 WAS A FLIPPING MESS and it was only because of JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY, that I/billions of others, are still alive and kicking like Nonpoint says in their famous song. 2021! BRING IT ON! (I have lost it at this point and I am just crying/praying for better days)
Dealing with the back and forth of people over politics and gaming, has really left me with endless headaches. I have just given up and stopped caring about trying to help those see the light. When will I learn that, we are curious creatures who will continue to stumble upon traps without further warning from God? We do so because, we want to see the lesson for ourselves. Help us God. I don't want to be like that anymore in some cases in my life. Give me back...MY PEACE you foul monsters! You win and these mediocre products of the AAA market are YOURS FOR THE TAKING! TAKE IT and LEAVE ME BE!
2020 has taught me so many things on the topics of trust, how to keep your sanity, who is really your friends/acquaintances, guarding your soul/heart, money is gold, the value of wanting vs. the value of needing and the heighten importance of always staying clean/disinfecting your areas. I am sure there are plenty more lessons that I have forgotten to mention, but just know this Corona Chan/2020. This year has changed me for the better and in some cases, the worse. I will not be the same person that I thought I was. I have seen evil parts of me that have haunted me throughout this year. Nobody can forgive or help me. Only Jesus Christ can pave another way for me, so I can get my life right again! My boycott begins and my endless journey to being successful, continues in a straight path with many arrows pointing at different directions.
END
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Pros: (More coming soon)
-Learned a lot (So much)
-Rekindled my love for Skylanders
-Lost weight
-Passed my college courses
-Finally got most things that I need for my man cave. (Not everything)
-Talked to those who really cared about me.
-The memories of my co-op job will never be forgotten.
-TLC diet
-I got to try out so many different types of fruit smoothies for the first time in my life.
-Spoon app
-Watched tons of motivational, math and science videos.
-Read lots of books and listened to tons of ebooks.
-Lots of encouragement from various age groups.
-Ponytown, Chaotic Helleaven discord, ColdRaven discord and meeting some old friends/acquaintances online one more time.
-Made tons of vlogs, blogs and wrote many ideas for songs/future art commissions.
Cons:
**Too many to list. This list is now bricked, glitched and broken!**
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Quote for the year:
"Helping is great, but it is even better if you have a backup plan so you don't get left in the dust, while having the ideology that you are trying to save/help everyone but yourself. You matter and most of them can wait." - Anon
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