Year 2- The End of the Social Media project: Being Re-delivered to Jesus!

Here is the hardest confession that I have ever had to make to God! 

DON'T! GIVE! UP! Will you relapse? YES! BUT DON'T! GIVE! UP! You hear me? Whoever is reading this, I am telling you that there is hope for you! FIGHT BACK! I want to tell you all my story and save the rest for my book that I am going to write soon. 

https://idontknowanymorevme.blogspot.com/2020/12/need-inspired-by-song-titled-tsuranuite.html (Here are some inspired lyrics from one of my favorite anime songs) 

One of the biggest mistakes that I made in my life, was tell myself that "It will never happen to me! I have been baptized and known God since I was a little baby. Surely, I will be strong enough to fight it off!" Listen to me when I say this. I don't care if you have known God since you was in the womb and went to church every day a church service was open, YOU CAN STILL FALL FOR THIS TRAP!!!!! But how? How can somebody like you fall for such an "obvious" trap? Sit back, get your Bibles out, some tissues and a couple of snacks. It's gonna get bumpy. 

Before I begin, I want you all to focus on all the bible verses on the following link https://www.openbible.info/topics/pornography. ESPECIALLY  Matthew 5:28, 1 John 2:16, Psalm 119:37, James 1:14-15 AND Galatians 5:19-25. Read these verses every time that URGE comes back to bite you. Also, watch a bible sermon talking about this very topic everyday until that tempting spirit flees from you. Afterwards, pay attention to my five step plan that will help you break this awful habit. And never forget one thing. DON'T JUDGE ME OR ANYBODY IN THIS COMMENT SECTION! (For that is very sinful and unrighteous) 

The unknown feelings of confusion through perversion, all started when I was 5 years old. Yeah. You read that right. 5 YEARS OLD! I am 28 now. But how at the age of 5? Listen carefully and I will tell you. 

My Father was raised by a man who was a pimp and taught him so many wrong things about women. As you can see, my Father would teach me those same things (when my Mother wasn't around or was at work) because he became so BITTER towards women and what they did to his Father. He would make remarks about their body and joke about how they act when they are angry and etc. No harm and no foul right? Wrong! 

That hurt me when I was a kid. This was the same Father who ABANDONED my Mother and I, when I was 5 years old. My Mother cried so many tears and we prayed a lot more than usual. So where am I getting at by telling you all of this? What is the purpose of me going on and on about what my Father did to me mentally? I am getting there. Just hang on. 

Here are a list of things that my Father would tell me about women: (Even after the age of 5) 

1. Women will betray you and plot against you when you least expect it. 

2. You need to date a BLACK woman when you are older. If you date any other race of women, they will take you to court and use you. 

3. You are a king. Women listen to you and not the other way around. (He was telling me that I don't have to be nice to them) 

4. Most women will use you because you are a good person. (Never fully explained what that meant, which led me to confusion) 

5.  What do you think son? (shows me a picture of a woman that he is dating AFTER he broke up with my Mother and destroyed his vows. Oh the many times I wanted to punch a HOLE in a wall) 

My Father has done so much damage to me mentally when it came to women, that it caused me to be single and to NOT trust women at all. Anything that was the opposite of my gender, I had those same phrases/sentences play in my head over and over again. Even when I talked to my Mother about this, it would end with them arguing and my Mother just praying for me, instead of talking to me about it. The cat is out of the bag. Might as well tell me about it. (Yes. My Mother did talk to me and corrected me on the lies that he told me. However, it didn't help because the DAMAGE was already done. See? A boy needs to hear this from a MAN at the end of the day. A woman or women can tell me the truth about what my Father did, but it won't help a lot. Any man reading this, will understand where I am coming from.) 

So where did that lead me? Simple. Confused. Lost. Hurt. Secretive. And scared of certain women/girls. 

As time went by, I was made fun of, ridiculed and bullied by women and girls. They thought that I was strange, weird and odd for always talking about God and just being so mannerly/really smart. They messed with me, made sexual jokes towards me and even lied about liking me. Guess what happened afterwards? Yup. I developed a hidden HATRED for the opposite sex. (I will talk more about this in my book in chapter format) 

Even though I met TONS of good people in my life that helped me, prayed for me and etc., the pain was still there. And while I met many girls (when I was a kid) and women who cared about me, one little joke they made towards me, caused me to be fueled with hidden rage again. I did everything at that time. Pray, read the Bible, go to church and etc. But the agony/confusion was still there. 

What made it worse, was that my Father would always introduce me to a new woman he was dating, every couple of years after marrying the previous ones. Yes. This is what I had to deal with while trying to get my education, help my Mother out with foster care kids/daycare kids and doing extra curricular activities. Was it fair? NO! But I kept on pressing forward.

What did this do to me mentally as the women would make small jokes, about me being a virgin and as little girls would say sexual things to me that would creep me out? It caused me to get into femdom, foot fetish, BDSM, giantess, karate fetish and the list goes on and on and on. One day during my teen years, a friend of mine introduced  me to this hardcore porn site. I didn't go on it, but my perversions (thanks to the things that my friends and my Father introduced me to through cartoons, anime, movies and etc.) lead me into being curious about "girls feet, crush fetish and femdom." It was bad and it lasted on and off since 2008. I was fighting this, cried, felt shame,  praying against this, shouting to God, talking to certain people that I could trust and etc., for a long time. 

When Michael Jackson died and most people, were making lies/stating jokes about him, it caused me to say "SCREW THIS HYPOCRITICAL WORLD! If they would do that to one of my favorite pop singers/motivational figures, they would do that to anybody." (I don't know why, but I always wanted to meet and talk to him. But I couldn't and I was so furious at myself. I was depressed for a whole month and I wouldn't listen to anything MJ related for a good decade)  I became numb, more logical towards people and I stopped caring about how many times I masturbated. I became somewhat cold, but kind to women and I always wanted them to "stay the hell out of my way." Why? Because every time I tried to give them a chance when it comes to dating or friendship, they cracked a joke about me, overly critiqued my art or wished me dead. 

What's worse, is when I decided to talk to people about my fetishes and how I need help, I was met with "you are going to hell, your a weirdo, you are an abomination to God, your retarded" and the list goes on. The most INSULTING response I got from people was, "It's NORMAL and you should just ACCEPT it." But the God wants us to be abnormal and not CONFORM to this world. I gave up. I shut down and just talked to God about it, as I cried many tears on the inside, every time I had weird thoughts about females in the fictional and non-fictional verse. 

Then it got WORSE! I was always in hiding when nobody was at the house, so I can imagine myself getting beat up by women, kicked, stomped on, spat on and etc. (And it was even difficult for me to enjoy new TV shows and anime, without having a scene or a line of dialogue from a woman scare me, creep me out or turn me on) I always felt like, "This is what I deserve and God is just punishing me for all my sins in the past." I would go on Twitter, Deviantart, Pixiv, rule 34 and etc., just to get my fix. I was so broken and yet so saved. How ironic.  I didn't know that record was playing in my head until TODAY! (I am literally crying right now and I just want to get this over with. So I will go into more detail when I finish my book soon) 

 It took me 12 years to fight this off and to finally be delivered from it. (I have been delivered from this many times, but THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT!) I understand that you all maybe confused and ask, "But how did this happen again and what are you trying to say?" I get it. I understand. And I realize that me ASSUMING that "people don't get me and never will" is what got me in this mess in the first place. Case in point, I am on my knees begging you. PLEADING WITH YOU! FIGHT BACK THE URGES AND DON'T GIVE UP! Here is my five step plan to help you all out in someway:

5 step plan to DESTROY your SEXUAL TEMPTATIONS! 

1. Get a pen and paper fast! (write down what you are doing, why you are doing, what you are getting out of it and what caused you to do this. You need to do this when you are having those feelings that you can't control! SHARE THIS WITH SOMEBODY YOU LOVE AND TRUST!) 

2. Read bible verses on porn and repeat what the word of God says about it. 

3. Listen to ONE sermon a day about porn, to help you fight it off. 

4. Ask yourself, "What SHOULD I be doing right now?" (Read a chapter in a book, take a walk, exercise, talk to your Dog, draw out how you feel, write a poem and repeat until you feel better) 

5. Pray and reveal to God what you did! (No sugar coating it either. BE RAW WITH GOD but respectful!) 

I pray that this helps you all and I feel so much better being able to tell you all this. God bless you all, I am praying for you all in the comment section/everyone on Earth. Mask up! Follow CDC guidelines. Tell yourself that this is a season and that they are temporary. YOU GOT THIS! DON'T GIVE UP! FIGHT! FIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! FIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHTTTTTT! 

My bigolive is vme20212024 (I do Bible teachings there and talk about positive things in life)

2020 and Corona Chan: What have I done??

 2020: No more words. Time to separate. 

January, 2020: 
Another year of Trump which means, more prayer and memorizing Bible scriptures for me. Going to work was the usual. I clean, organize, talk to my co-workers, get some advice/critique, help people out, follow a schedule, say my goodbyes, wait for my ride and study for college or do some extra work while I wait for my Uber. Rinse and repeat. It is kind of straightforward, but that is how things were. Especially when I learned that I will be teaching a group of students about art and basics of acting. Lots on my plate. 

After work, I do some research for my future/current college assignments, watch some documentaries, make some vlogs about certain daily topics and write a journal about the pros/cons of my workday so that I can share it with my doctors. Did I mention that it was always cold during this month? Anything that I could do, to take my mind off the corrupted AAA entertainment industry that brings me mental anguish/misery and COVID-19 warnings. I knew right there and then, that this year was going to suck badly. 

Constantly fighting my urges to not check up on anything dealing with the AAA game/movie/anime industry, always ends up in success or failure. If I succeed, I am at peace/finish a book that I have always wanted to read. However, If I gave in to my urges/fail, I am miserable, ranting and constantly frustrated at everything that is wrong with set industry/how the customers are being treated. Why do I care so much? Writing letters to my God family and checking up on those that I just met/friends/acquaintances, seems to always bring a giant smile to my face. Though I could never figure out why. I just couldn't wait to finally finish up my courses, so I can get my Addiction Studies certificate. Still, with my dog always barking/growling at almost everything outside, my Mother working long hours and the fact that my apathy for holidays/my birthday continues to grow, that feeling of how the rest of 2020 is going to turn out, continues to leave me in more dread/relying on God ever so more dearly. 

February, 2020: 

More news on COVID-19 and Trump continues to spout nonsense, while his followers worship his every move/word. It baffles me. Just like last month, everything is pretty much the same except, I learn something new, look over my journal entries and continue to fight my urges to not rant/get frustrated with politics and the game industry. And what a fight it is. My continued research seems to be helping me to make parallel comparisons to women/girls, and how their different mental disorders, leads to similar ways of thinking that can either be destructive or constructive. With a few fall outs with my Mother and my dog here and there/ hearing more bad news about deaths, COVID-19 and the list goes on, my apathy grows but my prayers never stopped. What about money you ask? I don't want to talk about it at the moment. 

March, 2020: 

Corona Chan is born and it is killing people very slowly.  Back to researching and making sure that I am well prepared for this virus. While some co-workers of mine and millions of others are shrugging it off, I just continue my ever changing yet straightforward routine of work, college and learning something new. I have a bad feeling about this. More bad news and Trump is still spouting nonsense. What is truly going on with me mentally? 

April, 2020: 

Corona Chan is getting bigger and people don't seem to care. The death rates are rising and the virus has spread worldwide. So many memes being introduced/so much to learn about this virus. My stress levels were through the roof and worst of all, my health insurance is no longer valid with my current psychologist/speech pathologist. Thanks Trump Administration. I knew you had my back. -_- 

May, 2020: 

No. It can't be. It's getting worse. Schools, movie theaters, wrestling events and etc. All being shut down. Quarantine/endless cleaning. Squeak, squeak, squeak as I am scrubbing the floors and tables with bleach and soap. Taking endless showers and washing my hands like a mad man after every workday, just continues to prove my points, that when God gives you a sign, thou should follow it or suffer infinite consequences. 

June, 2020: 

Unemployed again. The virus continues to kill and ruin the lives of so many people of different social/financial classes. The stock market is at an all time low and I am feeling a sign of depression like never before. Endless bad news. So much of it and the deaths just won't stop. My anxiety is through the roof and I need to see a psychologist fast. It hurts me to see that so many people will still perform evil acts during a pandemic. 

July, 2020: 

Why? Why did I ended up buying certain games and etc.? I told myself no many times, but I did it anyway because, "It was on sale." Paying artist after artist and trying to help those in need. What was I thinking? Yes the Lord blessed me ten fold, but my frustration and constant extra money drought, was becoming quite annoying. Game, movie, anime or any other news, was easily overshadowed by the deaths of officers, George Floyd and etc. during these BLM/ALM riots. What a mess and then some. Other stuff happened, but I can't even remember the names of the people who caused me so much turmoil. 

August, 2020: 

The riots continue and I finally got a hold of a psychologist/nurse. They were very helpful. The multiple relapses between my constant urges with the entertainment industry versus politics, dealing with my dog who keeps waking me up early in the morning, my Mother who is working long hours and needs my assistance nonstop and our president is doing nothing to help this burning nation. Did I mention that there was more bad news along the way? God bless us all and forgive me Father for just...everything. Especially letting my rock head brother move back in with us, where he does NOTHING/doesn't take the COVID-19 virus seriously at all. 

September, 2020: 

For the first time ever, I was able to spend a ton of extra saved cash for my birthday. It was quite possibly, the best birthday I have ever had. Unfortunately, COVID-19/Corona Chan had to ruin my fun along with many others who had a birthday this month, by draining us with bad news, more deaths, endless stress, a plethora of riots and nonstop headaches. The more I talked to my psychologist, the better she understood me. My nurse was still learning about me/provided me with medications that helped me out a lot. HOWEVER, the side effects were serious and I could no longer be on the medications anymore. Due to HIPPA, I refuse to state what the medications are/be brought back to that dark moment in my life, where the medications put me through literal hell. I have also been working out and changing my diet as well/reading tons of books, watching math/science videos and even getting rid of things that I no longer need. As far as getting any more information from actual doctors/nurses regarding my future college research assignment, It was hassle and a half, but I was able to get some responses from some people. 

October, 2020: 

I am losing it dear God. I cancelled my services with many digital subscriptions, fought back with online retailers to give me my refunds, bought a bunch of old games to calm my nerves, read more books to find some answers on certain topics, read tons of letters from my God family members and friends, dealt with more stupidity from the Trump administration and the president himself and the list goes on. 1,410,000+ deaths due to Corona Chan/COVID-19. My apathy has grown to astronomical levels, as I see that people don't even care anymore about being super clean, disinfecting their areas and etc. How sad. What is the point of celebrating Halloween, when all the holiday reminds of is the amount of deaths that was created by COVID-19? It always feels like I never have enough money for myself, because I am buying things to help out my family/etc. Oh and there was something about never being able to talk to my older brothers/nephews again, but I made an entire new blog just dedicated to that nonsense. My doctors/nurses are so helpful! ^^ 

November, 2020: 

Guess who won the election? Who cares! COVID-19 is still running amuck, my health insurances is still awful, I am regretting so many things that I have said/done this year, my extra money is running low, customer service is back down in the dumps, finals for college are coming up, I am still unemployed and the death rates keep rising. How can we celebrate or weep at a time like this? We need to get our focus back and take action. This isn't the time for video games, movies, getting back at those who have hurt one another and etc. Now, we need to have a plan B/C and boycott these companies that supported Trump for the past four years. We are showing no mercy and striking back harder than ever! This month went by quick, I got my temps and my usual schedule of working out, learning, exercising, researching and fighting my inner demons through the word of God, continues. I know it feels like I am leaving out a lot of details, but I just don't want to be brought back to the bad memories of getting talked down to by mean civilians/feeling like I wasted my time helping too many people who never even bothered to help me back. But like always, God always blesses me/rewards me, but my patience is running thin and I may need to repent a few more times. Thank GOD for the digital library. 

What is even crazier is that I went back to an old hobby of mine. Collecting SKYLANDERS? Now I know I have lost my mind. Over $200+ went towards this hobby that I buried 7 years ago. Plus I am making petitions and giving these companies more ideas for something that may never even come to fruition? God help me. Election week was horrible and I don't ever want to think about the madness/destruction that I saw during the aftermath. This year is so bad, that I literally stop making TikTok videos, tweeting on my Twitter account, sending emails to certain people, interacting on Discord and etc. Social media was definitely one of my enemies in 2020, because it caused me a lot of stress, depression and confusion. (Why are so many people foolish/don't understand that what they support, can effect others?) 

December, 2020: 

My mind is made up and I am fed up. I am boycotting so many companies for the rest of 2021! This year has just been a complete and utter mind wank! Dwindling finances, my game room additions were put on hold, COVID-19, the irreplaceable damage of Trump/his administration/his supporters, loans, high bills, constant annoying trips to the grocery store, lockdowns, playing mediocre/bad new games, suffering through the Sonic 2020 movie that was painfully average and the list just goes on. Sure I passed my finals, learned so much from an academic and logical standpoint pertaining to topics of old/new, got to meet new people online/interview some doctors for fun and etc., but no matter what good came out of this year, it was just an endless wave of bad news, death and traitors that I have encountered. Mileena is in MK11 Ultimate, Crash Bandicoot 4 is not a complete disappointment, charities were supported during BLM/COVID-19 and Steve is in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate? WHO CARES? I am trying to survive and have a roof over my head!! What/who can I trust other than God? (To those that care about me, don't take that sentence the wrong way. I went through a lot this year.) All these things and the many lessons that I learned about myself on many psychological/physical levels in my life of reinvention, and for WHAT? To see almost 2,000,000+ people die of this cursed virus?? Will the nightmare ever end or will 2021 be even worse? Time to get praying, fasting, repenting and etc., because next year is going to be a huge challenge for me. I am going to let go of so many old hobbies/habits, just so I can make it through until this COVID-19/my current living situation, has finally been remedied to some compacity. 2020 WAS A FLIPPING MESS and it was only because of JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY, that I/billions of others, are still alive and kicking like Nonpoint says in their famous song. 2021! BRING IT ON! (I have lost it at this point and I am just crying/praying for better days) 

Dealing with the back and forth of people over politics and gaming, has really left me with endless headaches. I have just given up and stopped caring about trying to help those see the light. When will I learn that, we are curious creatures who will continue to stumble upon traps without further warning from God? We do so because, we want to see the lesson for ourselves. Help us God. I don't want to be like that anymore in some cases in my life. Give me back...MY PEACE you foul monsters! You win and these mediocre products of the AAA market are YOURS FOR THE TAKING! TAKE IT and LEAVE ME BE! 

2020 has taught me so many things on the topics of trust, how to keep your sanity, who is really your friends/acquaintances, guarding your soul/heart, money is gold, the value of wanting vs. the value of needing and the heighten importance of always staying clean/disinfecting your areas. I am sure there are plenty more lessons that I have forgotten to mention, but just know this Corona Chan/2020. This year has changed me for the better and in some cases, the worse. I will not be the same person that I thought I was. I have seen evil parts of me that have haunted me throughout this year. Nobody can forgive or help me. Only Jesus Christ can pave another way for me, so I can get my life right again! My boycott begins and my endless journey to being successful, continues in a straight path with many arrows pointing at different directions. 

END

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Pros: (More coming soon) 

-Learned a lot (So much) 

-Rekindled my love for Skylanders 

-Lost weight 

-Passed my college courses 

-Finally got most things that I need for my man cave. (Not everything) 

-Talked to those who really cared about me. 

-The memories of my co-op job will never be forgotten. 

-TLC diet 

-I got to try out so many different types of fruit smoothies for the first time in my life. 

-Spoon app 

-Watched tons of motivational, math and science videos. 

-Read lots of books and listened to tons of ebooks. 

-Lots of encouragement from various age groups.

-Ponytown, Chaotic Helleaven discord, ColdRaven discord and meeting some old friends/acquaintances online one more time. 

-Made tons of vlogs, blogs and wrote many ideas for songs/future art commissions.

Cons:

**Too many to list. This list is now bricked, glitched and broken!** 

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Quote for the year: 

"Helping is great, but it is even better if you have a backup plan so you don't get left in the dust, while having the ideology that you are trying to save/help everyone but yourself. You matter and most of them can wait." - Anon 

Top 10 BIGGEST regrets of my life!?

My TOP 10 biggest regrets in life so far: 10. Trying to understand women/girls (I am not giving up though) 9. Being a fan of anything that is not of God. (Too much headache and heartache) 8. Having an extended family/God family members (Some stay true while most stray away) 7. 4 women who really motivated me/wasted part of my life. (Edi, Gypsy Queen, Tama and Ake) I will not state names.

[6:33 PM]

6. Having hidden depression caused by my Father since the age of 5.

[6:34 PM]

5. Every single mistake I have ever made. (Especially in school/college. I wanted to achieve perfection. That is a big mistake.)

[6:34 PM]

4. All the times (Due to my chemical imbalance, I rarely talked back to my Mother. It was stupid but I was young at the time.)(edited)

[6:35 PM]

3. Being too nice (at my job, on social media sites and etc.)

[6:35 PM]

2. Being exposed to the highest extremes of evil. (Not much of a regret because I have to know how to still be a good person)

[6:36 PM]

1. Having too much faith in strangers/humanity. (Give them to Jesus and let come may. Meaning, life is filled with deaths and dreams. Sometimes, death must occur in order to maintain balance. Sad but true.)

[6:38 PM]

Bonus regrets: 0. Not achieving most of my short term goals such as learning many musical instruments, being a black belt in two martial arts and other small goals. (It is not too late and I can still achieve them) -1. Allowing America to vote for Trump and Bush. (We should have made better voting decisions) -2. Not asking more questions in life towards my elders/mentors.

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Goal: Write a short story about my regrets?

Part 2 of my Social Experiment: Year 1- Returning to Discord and my speech on Furries/Bronies that motivated hundreds of people?

2019: It can't get any worse than this right? 

I was extremely afraid to go back to any social media site. All I could think about is the amount of times I have failed, to properly communicate with strangers. The nightmares of being banned and kicked out of chats/group discussions, over my opinions on the entire entertainment industry. Oh the thought of coming back just made me want to throw up. But what motivated me to give it one more chance? The power of research and extra knowledge. For what is a being without an education/personal experience?

When I came back from my spiritual journey, I returned to the FUAW chat, apologized for notifying everyone all the time about updates and started a new. One thing that I noticed, is that once I stopped doing that, everyone was lost and had no idea where to look for certain links to videos and etc. I would laugh but I don't know what else to laugh about. Isn't funny how when you try to help somebody or educate them, most people resent it? Pretty fascinating and odd huh?

Boy did I make the biggest mistake of my life. There was a show called the Hazbin Hotel and I knew trouble was going to occur at any moment. But why not? This is probably gonna be my longest journal entry ever. So buckle up. We are taking a temporary ride to hell.

It all started after I watched the pilot episode that confused the hell out of me. There were tons of reviews/criticisms towards this one particular show. So I figured, "Hey! Let me see if there are any discord servers on the Hazbin Hotel?" I found tons of them. One in particular, was the second largest Hazbin Hotel Discord server group I have ever seen. So I swallowed my pride and decided to join in. I knew this was not gonna end well for me.

In the cookie cutter stage, everything was fine. I met a bunch of strangers and talked to them. I knew that being myself would cause me to be bored and just end up leaving anyway. So I figured, "Time to put my roleplaying skills to the test one more time." I roleplayed as a character named Edley, who is a security guard for the Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss and Ms. Katie's new station. The character was portrayed as an awkward but caring individual, who dated five women at the same time, without them even knowing. Yup. I had no idea what I was thinking at the time.

One of my biggest issues that I have with social media in general, is the communication aspect. If I talk too formally, people find me off and outputting. But If I use their lingo and perform in ways that are strange even to me, I get bans and kicked out of servers. During this experiment, I wanted to use three of my OC's in each of these chats. Edley, RoastemToast Rebirthed (a loud mouth who hates bullcrap) and Mov (a MLP OC who is sweet/ has a crush on pony bot.) If you join social media for the experience of having fun?  Think again.

Whether it be a discord chat for anime, brony or even VizziePop, be prepared to be locked in a cage/given limited rights. We deal with an era of social media, where people lie, raid dead servers (did it one time) and is falsely accused by people. Not only that, social media is now taken over by corrupted businesses and children. That is a scary thought. With that being said, let us continue.

Let's be honest. I was bored out of my mind. Discord is extremely boring. If you tag somebody, it is considered harassment to some. Want to joke about something? Instant ban and kick from a server. Or how about this? Post a picture of Bubbles from PPG's twerking fully clothed? (fake person meaning it is not real) Reported to Discord! I am not kidding. Social Media is a cesspool of trash nowadays!

I am getting ahead of myself. Edley was in the Hazbin Hotel servers, where he roleplayed and tried to get to know others. Mov was almost hated by the MLP pony community for just being his weird self. RoastemToast REBIRTH could careless about anything. Sometimes I have to switch to this OC when I am absolutely vivid at something. All in all, I was misunderstood all the time and I knew nobody. I felt so alone.

Everybody that I dealt with in that chat, has broken more norms than I did. I will NOT list any names. I forgive everyone and just want to get this off my chest. I also apologize for any actions that I have done that were deemed "unacceptable." (and petty)  Come to think of it? I have always gotten in trouble over "misconceptions and petty actions." And when I talk to other people about it, they just laugh and say, "That's it?"

So for over a couple of months, I have received hate, been cursed at and even ridiculed for just being my OC's. Sound familiar to anybody? Oh and I remember when I said that I raided a dead server? Never gonna do that again. That was not a smart idea at all. But why did I do it and why did I use my OC's to interact with others? I can truly say that I am taking a break from anything VizziePop related.

As far as my Speech 5 goes? I presented it to the class  and if you want to see how it went? Email me.

Simple. Research and information purposes. To learn more about the incident or if you just want to chat with me. Email me. See you all in next blog post.

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2020: Discord was a mistake? 

Well? 2020 happened. And it was not pretty. I can't tell you how many times I got kicked out of discord server after discord server. Then there was that time when I almost left the FUAW for good due to personal reasons. It is hard for me to remember why somebody like me, keeps going through this endless mental torment of meeting people, getting hurt and etc. I guess it is time to explain five possible reasons why this keeps happening to me. 

Miscommunication is my first guess. As a matter of fact, I have met a lot of people who told me that, "They miscommunicated something via a joke/etc. and got booted for it." Could this be a sign that people are so broken nowadays, that they are beyond repair/help? Or does this mean that most people are in a dangerous mindset, of blacking out certain things in their mind through censorship, instead of taking responsibility for their actions? Either way, it is completely unfair to just ban somebody and not give them a second chance. God did it for us and I am still surprised that he does. 

Entertainment industry. I can't stand the AAA entertainment industry. We never really had any say so for anything. All of our rants, videos and etc. were just a ploy, to make these companies look good in the end. What's even worse is that, I have abandoned fighting games (so close to leaving gaming alone) in general. I can't think of the last time I watched an anime, movie or bought a AAA game at a retail store. It's getting pretty bad and getting banned/attacked for wanting betterment, is pretty annoying and obnoxious! (Looking at you Last of Us II and Pro Wrestling as a whole) 

Age gap confusion. Sometimes it works and most of the time, it causes controversy. Blame all the pedos of the world who continue to make good people's lives harder. I wonder what would happen, if we all just ignored the pleas/suggestions of children? But then again, "Why continue the conversation with them?" Let's just continue an endless cycle of hurt/mental abuse within in the youth right? This is such a useless topic. (A grown man can't like Gacha or they are considered a pedo/creep? Great to see that the world has learned nothing still) 

Anonymous. Don't get me wrong. I do it all the time to keep myself safe. However, being anonymous all the time, can cause you to lose actual good people in your life. It is fun to play the troll and be many personas at times, but nothing is better than being yourself. We are all flawed and need to help one another instead of canceling one another! Cancel culture was a mistake! 

Last but not least, mental health barriers. Everyone is afraid to admit that they have a problem. To them, it shows a sign of weakness. It is kind of like a grown man crying to a group of teenagers because that grown adult lost their job or was lied to by another person. If 2020 has taught me anything, it is that these cartoons that portray adults are sadly right in some cases. People are mean spirited and stupid at times.  Not only that, most of them don't really understand the concepts of true love/team work. Because of this, 2020 continues to teach us harsh lessons each night/day. 

2020 was a mistake. Just like Discord/social media. It is a necessary evil that we must learn from and deal with for a season in our lives. The best thing to do? Stay in contact with those that care and give the rest to God. Otherwise, you will always be miserable/scattered brain. Have a small group of friends and keep a large group of acquaintances. Don't get caught up in something that will destroy you internally.